tired of not having things work out.
tired of others not liking the way i am.
tired of not helping myself
tired of making dumb choices
tired of not planning ahead
tired of not having enough money
tired of feeling less than
tired of being told i'm wrong
tired of being looked down on
tired of mean people
tired of selfish people
tired of dreaming of a life that's not mine
tired tired tired
i wonder how i can be inspired to write in it again
i feel like everything i have to say it so weird and boring
currently, today on my day off, i am working on a puzzle.
also having a random allegory attack on my left eye, for no reason. i took my allergy pill, yet my eye feels like i need to have it carved out. so thats fun.
anouk is sitting here on the bed with me. in the sliver of sunshine thats left coming through the window. the sun sets so early in the winter, i hate it. but i feel like i can absolutely tell each day that there is a minute of extra light.
looking forward to being able to go run around the park in the morning instead of hauling my ass to the gym in the darkness.
oh yes, my car is not drivable currently. my stuff that makes my wheels drive and holds everything in place have all fallen apart. so i'm really excited and so happy to get that fixed and deal with that... not really. i love having my car. i hate not being able to drive it. it's really sad and also super discouraging because i have no money to fix it, and no money to get a new car.
i don't know where i went wrong in managing my finances. (wait, i probably do) but it's really bad.
i think my one wish would be: go back in time and re-think all my purchases ever. save my money. i could be doing SO good if i had figured out my shit better. c'mon cassie...
all i can do now is learn from my mistakes and start building my way out of this hole i've dug myself. wish me luck on that one.
the average girls average life, what a fun blog.
but i love my job, its far from average. it's so much fun and so much more superior to where i was working back in california.
my new bosses are incredible and brilliant people. they are thoughtful and business savvy. they are fun to be around and i learn things from them every day. i can't believe my old boss thought he was a good person to his employees. he was really awful to work for and i am so glad i made my choice to get the hell out of there. it bugs me to think i wasted 4 years working for someone who didn't give two shits about me. oh well. mistakes. blah blah right?
brian is great. we have fun together. currently we are watching the x-files. binge watching. it's silly but it's something i look forward to doing each night with him. i've also meal-planned this entire week, so i'm excited to see how each meal turns out. i like seeing him enjoy the food i make. he's so good to me. i'm lucky. sometimes i forget how lucky i am to have him. he's a total babe and he cares about me. very glad to have found him, who knew i'd finally find someone who was good to me? i certainly wasn't expecting it.
also, i went up to sun valley idaho to work at our new store - it is seriously one of the most beautiful places i have ever been to! i can't wait to go back up there. its amazing. and this is another awesome thing - my job and my bosses: they trust me enough to help their business grow. how cool is it that i am able to work at three locations and get paid to do it? and i ENJOY doing it, i love seeing this business grow. funny how when you're treated right and things are done specifically and with care, how you actually give a shit about your job and love it, right? it is possible to love your job. you just can't think you're stuck at the shitty one you have now, make the moves people!
anyway, now that i'm semi caught up on telling the internet about my easy life, i'm going to go focus on my puzzle.