Wednesday, January 28, 2009

scotland trip

so something in my heart thinks i might be headed to scotland soon.. i won't elaborate further on that just in case it's not in my cards. anyway. here is anouk in a basket:


i'm doing a report on the navajo code talkers. fascinating, amazing and unbelieveable. so great.

Monday, January 26, 2009

lots of posts

(my very sad room it isn't put together at all. give it time)

so i have a lot of down time lately. not sure why.. my classes said i should get hours of homework per week but i seem to be breezing through it all with no problems. hm. neat. so because of my down time i post a daily blog. i used to go a couple days with out saying anything but now i just post whatever. i got my skin for my ipod today. it looks BRILLIANT! very happy about it. now i am just waiting for my gameboy & cell phone skin. as well as my sisters skin for her ipod & for her phone. lots of skins. all for free. heh yay. i talked to sandy on the phone today. i really like her. she made me a towel with my name on it. i can't wait to see what it will look like. she made me feel really nice, everyone in that family has. its sunny outside yet its hailing/raining. california is so weird, it always does this sorta thing.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

pg 47

mere chance/? or serious universal message?
i just was skimming through my typical favorites on the web, no big deal. wrong, here is what i came across:

"Hmmm…this email from my friend Trent says if I grab the book nearest to me, turn to page 47, it’ll tell me my fortune. Huh. Sounds fun, I guess. But I’m sitting right next to my bookcase, so they’re all equally near to me."

so i think to myself, whatever i'll grab the nearest book. i turn to pg 47. no joke. because pg 46 is blank. here is what the page said. and believe you me, i am seriously feeling slapped. i like it.

Chapter Five

"i see my patterns, and i choose to make changes"

Decide to Change.
Throwing up our hands in horror at what we may call the mess of our lives and just giving up are the ways many people react at this point. Others get angry at themselves or at life and also give up.

By giving up, I mean deciding, "It's all hopeless and impossible to make changes, so why try." The rest of it goes, "Just stay the way you are. At least you know how to handle the pain. You don't like it, but it's familiar and you hope it won't get any worse."
To me, habitual anger is like sitting in a corner with a dunce hat on. Does this sound familiar? Something happens and you get angry. Something else happens and you get angry again. Something else happens, and once again you get angry. But you never go beyond getting angery.
What good does that do? It's a foolish reaction to waste your time only getting angry. It's also a refusal to see life in a new and different way.
It would be much more helpful to ask yourself how you are creating so many situations to get angry at.

oh my gosh. haven't i been talking an awful lot about my anger? if i haven't here on my blog i have been else where. but man oh man. this is weird. and i like it.

creme brulee

- making creme brulee and torching the tops to crack them afterward. then eating all of it to myself.

- picking out one by one, the pieces of food that doesn't make anouk throw up. (i am a very dedicated mother) purina is crap, i do not recommend it.

- watching Dexter continuously and almost religiously. it keeps me up at night, i do it on purpose so that i can fall asleep quick with out thoughts of my life to enter my dreams. it works out.

- no one talks to me much, via computer or in real life. i've drifted.

- secretly hoping in the back of my mind that something great will happen to me. except i know from experience that bad things happen all at once so that you don't have to deal with it all the time. so i'm just waiting around for some other bad thing to happen. unless what already happened wasn't bad?

- planning my trip to somewhere. europe i've decided. it can save me money, i can stay with relatives. i've got to brush up on my french. thats what i'm saving up for now. kinda nice to know i can leave far away with out missing anything but my cat.

well its time to go torch my brulee & watch dexter. what a bad habit. audra is mad at me. i wish someone liked me. no one does these days.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

first day of school

what do i need to say about that. nothing.

i'm a bit unhappy. a lot unhappy. the current things that do make me happy however, are :
- anouk-sel-dean
- my new bed (memory foam)
- my vanilla noir perfume, lotion & candle.

is it okay if i vent about what i'm not liking right now? with out sounding like a drag? well, where should i start.

1. the driving in california. OH MY GOSH. how did i do this? its ridiculous. it takes me 10 minutes to get to town, then add on any more minutes depending on where i go after i get to town. its all the same, long and windy. annoying drivers -fast drivers. road kill all over. it smells like skunks all down the highway. gross.

2. being home. its half & half. its nice being home for a couple reasons. but then, theres family. i love my family dont get me wrong. just, small doses. theres always something someone has to complain about. i feel like i never have a long period of time to myself. (now i know how my mom feels after 21 years..) its just difficult. hard to explain.

3. its cold in my room. its 70 degrees daily. where the heck is winter? so stupid. california is great and everything but its january. january does not equal 70 degrees, sandals & tank tops. whatever.

4. school. its far like 20 minutes, i guess thats not too far, but when you're driving the only road that leads to it everyday it gets ANNOYING. but there's also a lot of idiots there. people with no common sense, people with drama, people with funky smells, people who dress like scum. i mean, who talks and discusses their answers during an EXAM? thats just stupid. its like just out of highschool or something. i hate it. i wish people just knew how to behave.

5. banks. the only wellsfargo is in town. its really inconvinient. i guess where i live is inconvinent. dang it.

6. my job. i like mels. but gosh. its like i never left. i wish i got more tips. i wish people ate out more. i wish i could be brave enough to be a server. but i can't carry plates & i'm bad at reciting what else they can choose besides fries. (colesaw, soup, salad or pasta salad?)

7. friends. where did they all go? no one wants to hang out with me. i must be boring. at least audra is around & wants to hang out. we are going snowboarding on friday, my butt is going to hurt so bad afterwards. i'm nervous. so nervous.

i'm going to go upload photos now. some current photos of my life as of late. & maybe start some political science homework. oh yeah, my sociology class & political science classes are GREAT! i love them so far. i dropped my horrible math class. not interested.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

the last two photos


Photo - Jake Garn :: Styling - Paula Dahlberg :: Wardrobe Design - Keith Bryce


Friday, January 9, 2009

two photos so far


photos by jake garn
wardrobes by keith bryce
hair & makeup by paula dahlberg


Tuesday, January 6, 2009


my room is in the living room. because i've always wanted to do that for some reason. all the other rooms are empty or almost empty.

canyons cold day


the cats loved the lamp

me & guillermo playing

i worked there on the top for.
tallest building in utah -for now

Monday, January 5, 2009

my very own

computer. i am on it right now. i haven't used it since i moved from california because for some reason it wouldn't connect to the internet at my apartment. its so nice and fast. i missed it.
the UPS guy never came. i'm getting really irritated. i don't want to sign for this its ruining my plans. i'm just going to go pick it up or something.

its snowing. i sold my bed hopefully for 450. straaaaaaaange days.

Friday, January 2, 2009


i am in here taking a break from all the testosterone in the other room. the football game is going on (go uuuuuuuuutes) and there are 6 guys in there and i'm in between them all listening to them talk about football and other typical guy things. i had to get out for a minute. utah is winning, good news. and its snowing out side finally some more.

as you can also tell, i lied. i haven't given up blogging. but i do hate how no one leaves me notes anymore. i liked it. i like to discuss lives. you know? but no one blogs much anymore and i still like it. i need some random people from the world to say hi that would be nice.

we got chinese food tonight but .. what i really crave 24/7 is MEXICAN FOOD! chips nSalsa