Sunday, June 26, 2011

what am i supposed to do?

lately , ive been really lost in my own life.
i don't know what i am supposed to do.
i'm only 22. but i feel like i should know by now.

i feel like i was meant for something really great.
meant to help people & be significant and looked up to.
but i have done nothing to accomplish that.
no one looks up to me. i have nothing to show for my life really.
i just get by on the minimal & i guess i just hope one day something will present itself to me.
but thats kind of a dumb way to live life.
because expecting things to happen, or hoping for things to happen ..
just means nothing will ever happen.

but i don't know how to do things. i don't know what to do.
i'm not really good at anything.
i don't have any schooling under my belt besides my Bachelors degree in Alternative Systems of Medicine & some of my Herb schooling.
but .

i just don't know.
my life isn't simple.
& i don't know where i'm headed
or where i'm supposed to be right now.

i have a list of things that have always held my interest


however, i have yet to come up with some kind of life path to incorporate at least some of these things.
wait , i have yet to come up with a path that incorporates ANY of these things.
something to make a LIVING from.
something easy. i am a hard worker. but i dont want to have to feel like i am working hard at whatever i am doing. whatever i am to do in life needs to be something i enjoy and seems to come effortlessly.
is that asking too much?
i don't think so.
its my life
im the one who is going to be living it
and i think my standards are reasonable.

but i just ... don't know where to go.
what can i do?

i have no money to even begin with.
i have no inkling of where to even start.
what if i choose something & it turns out to be wrong?
then i have to start over..

i get discouraged so easily.

i wish i knew.

i am really interested in native americans too.
& stones & gems.
reading & writing.

ive been told i should write a book. by so many people.
but what could i write a book about?
i can't write fiction.
i strictly write truth.
but what could i write truthfully about?
it would have to be my own thoughts on things in life
advice maybe. ways to view situations. to view people.
i am so good at helping others
but i am absolutely horrible at helping myself.
& excepting help is another thing i am not so good at .

summer time really opens my mind
good & bad thing
because here i am now
festering in my own thoughts.
about what the hell i'm supposed to do
where i'm supposed to go
who i'm supposed to help
when i'm supposed to do it all
why i'm so stuck & lost

does anyone feel this way?
because i look "around" & i see that everyone seems so content.
no one seems THAT restless -
no one seems too worried about the future
i don't want to be in the same place i am now
just getting by on a normal average life
because thats not what i'm here for.

does anyone read this?
this is one of those posts that i hope a lot of people respond to
because i actually need some kind of help
or at least a thought on the matter.
some "wisdom" . some insight
anything. i don't care who you are
because i think everyone has something great to say
so maybe you could say it to me
and make my whole day
or , in this case
my whole life

Saturday, June 25, 2011

painted my nails gold.
painted my toes gold too.
i never paint my toes.
but it looks really cute.

got a new opal pinky ring that i am really loving.

wanting to move back to utah real soon
wanting a new car , but cant have what i want.
expensive taste , so im told...

bikinis cost a lot but i need a new one.
i need new summer clothes. i hate shopping.

i have a pretty good tan so far .
i tan so easily.
i need to work out more.

i wonder what life has in store for me.
i wish i had a way of knowing which way to go.

Monday, June 20, 2011

summer time ~

me 'n my main girl

i'm bad at blogging.
not much to say it seems.. i don't know whats significant enough to write. i've been in utah for almost 2 weeks. just got back to california. having two homes is rough. i love utah & california so much. so different from each other. i need more friends in utah tho. because i have so many friends in california and i love having friends over and meeting up with them etc. i need that in utah too. i'm tired .

i'm craving salmon . & i want to go kayaking .

OH !! hey .... went on a hot air balloon ride this weekend! it was incredible ! i loved it sooooo much , it was beautiful. we took some photos , as best we could. but i was so happy to do this! everyone knows its been one of my dreams to do it. it was everything i expected. peaceful, beautiful, thrilling, FUN, & lovely.

me & mitch

after landing , deflating the balloon
the view from the air over park city with
another hot air balloon in the distance

i miss utah . cant wait to head back. WISH ME LUCK.

this is a huge blog post . its HOT in california. am i ready for summer ? i hope.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

payton , presley & jack ~

way too cute......

Sunday, June 5, 2011

made a new batch of earrings check 'em out and buy yourself a pair ! the pair i'm wearing in the photo up there.... had those up on the site for a minute but then decided to take them down and keep them for myself....... if you decide you must have a pair just like that lemme know and i can whip 'em up for you . i am in love with my own creation ... never happened before. anyway, more earrings will be making their appearance within the next week or two or three. tryin to get lots done when i have days off. been sellin other neat things too ... vintage items or name brand things. real good for me & good for my faithful wonderful customers.

got a new dress. wish i could wear it , but its too cold.
i wish i could get a new car.... ah.