I'm a day behind on everything

I keep thinking it's a day behind the day it actually is. These last few weeks of the year have been so out of the ordinary. I'm trying to keep up. I don't feel like falling down before the new year starts.

I don't like all the hype attached to the beginning of a new year tho. So much expectation, unrealistic and empty. It is what you make it, any day any time. 

Gotta remind myself of that.

Here's me , from the side

Honey,

tonight, I dropped the lid to the jar of honey on the kitchen floor. I bent over to pick it up, you know the normal.

In the process of picking it up I tilted the honey jar along with me, and an enormous glob slid out and landed on the kitchen rug. 

Didn't know it

Until I stepped in it 

I was shocked at first, kinda at a loss for steps to take to fix the issue.

So I decided to put the rest of my foot in the big puddle of honey and drag my toes around in it. Figured it might be the only chance I'll get to do some thing like that. It was a good choice.

lipstick and birds.

let the warm sun beat down steady on my face . felt the warmth radiate into my soul. seemed for a minute that i was in spring, moved forward in time. until i opened my eyes and looked around and saw the bare dustiness of winter. it was nice for a minute. 

sometimes i want to cry because there are no birds big enough to carry me while flying in the air. am i the only one that gets upset about that? i might be.

christmas this year

been waiting for today - the 25th. 

only because i want it to be OVER. 

its fun, but i've never been super enthusiastic about holidays. i've tried and it's never what i try to make it. *ba humbug* right? yeah. 

but i got a hatchet & a knife. and glass shelf cases to keep my mysterious & unusual trinkets incased in. just my style. 

i'm glad the new year is coming. it's silly that i tell myself to start doing something when its the new year rather than now. i guess its just nice to bring fresh to the table when its a fresh set of numbers on the board. all of it : fresh. 

i'm quite surprised i've gotten any gifts at all really. i've been nothing but naughty all year. perhaps i've done some good here and there unknowingly. i can't be sure. i'll have to look back and add the deeds up and minus the scandal and see where that leaves me. not that it matters, since i've already gotten gifts. 

heres to a new year, a new lease on life ... a new start. 

** cheers . 

whoops

i accidentally ate too much and now i can't fit into my g-star jeans.

i hate when that happens...

no matter, i still get paid. 

i love being a blonde. i don't think I've really made it clear to the people of the world. me being a blonde is so much different from any hair i've ever had. i feel dazzling. i have glittery locks. the length of my hair is magnificent. at least i'm happy with that.... 

i'm moving to LA this year. don't care if I'm broke. i'll captivate the hearts of many and make it work. thats how it works doesn't it? it does now. 

I got an e-gift card to Sephora from an anonymous person named "R" and i can't believe how nice that was. i hope who ever it is sees this and sees me say thank you. random acts of kindness are beautiful. its so simple and sweet. it shocks me to get nice things from people. i often find myself wondering "why on earth would anyone send me anything!?" but apparently, there must be a reason. i like to make others feel happy whenever i can. the easiest way for me to do that is by my words and thoughts tho. so hopefully someone appreciates them, its all I've got. 

anyway, thank you, R. 

so , 

i miss my best friend.

hes in new york. i'm in california. the two opposite and competing states. *cali always wins. 

he's the funniest. i'm a lucky girl to be able to rely on him to make me feel better. just a little bit of love vibe being sent over there via my blog. thats not the best photo of either of us at all but its the only one i could find. he might hate me for that, but it kind of describes the dynamic we have. so i'm keeping it up. i'm always giving him a hard time. he can take it. he likes it. 

i love to FaceTime, i FaceTime with a lot of my pals. its just better than texting and phone calls to me. makes it more personal and clear. i can't always be with all my friends, they are all over the country. FaceTime helps. those damn commercials are right...! who knew. 

i also can't wait to go back to maui.

rare

albino whale

white is such a rare color to find in nature. 

is it? or maybe i just can't think of anything at the moment. 

its been a while

i'm opening my blog back up to the public. after an incredibly nice email i received this week from someone who appreciated my blog years ago, i decided if i can inspire people via my blog, i should continue to do it. right? her saying something to me after all this time is stuck in my mind. in that good place of your mind that all the sweetest and most treasured things you choose to remember stay. a little secret stash of galvanizing memories. 

so here i am. i'm not as exciting as i used to be, growing up and all that... 

but i'll try. 

i've been moving at full speed. but i feel like i've been in the exact same spot for a long time. and i have. i hate when that happens. i always talk about doing things and these dreams i have. but i have always had the hardest time looking into the future and taking the right steps into the future. i just stumble into the future with lack of grace and zero refinement. 

and i can acknowledge that and still manage to keep doing it over and over again. sheesh. 

big christmas party tomorrow. 

i can't wait for christmas to be over. 

i can't wait for the new year. i feel like you can start fresh in the new year. its stupid. i should start whenever i want. maybe its just me buying myself time? 

anyway, bang bang. here i am again