determined to change. 

i might as well do SOMETHING while i do NOTHING. 

i really like to sleep. 

i am so happy there is more winter on its way. i am not a huge fan of the cold weather, but i want it really bad. i want to utilize my clothes and wear things i don't normally wear. i have so many clothes and constantly keep wearing the same things. it's so weird of me. i'm sure other people do that too. i hope. 

i'm getting my gym membership back. i'm excited about it. audra and i are going to go so often. i want to be fit and in better shape. i want to be able to do anything with out worrying if i'm strong enough to actually do it. 

i've also been reading more. lots. i'm breezing through books. loving the words that i am processing. i forgot how much i love to read, to apply the words, to turn the rusty wheels in my mind. i think reading again has helped me kinda snap out of my funk. that's what i'd like to attribute it to.

i've also been thinking a lot about the nutcracker prince on vhs. i didn't get to watch it over the christmas season. its such a bizarre movie. i don't have a vhs player anymore tho, so i guess i'll have to keep my eye out for one. 

i've been encountering a lot of ghosts lately. 

i had one go through my head and get stuck in my ear. it was bouncing around, it felt like a pinball machine with a high score. i've never had that happen before. and i had one loudly whisper my name on monday at 6 am. it sounded like it was right in front of my face, but i opened my eyes and saw nothing there. i'm wondering why i'm having all this poltergeist activity lately. i don't know if poltergeist is the word, its not bothering me at all. it's not getting in my way or scaring me. its just, there. and i wonder why is all.

here is me in some sun:

photo by Lilli LeGate