Friday, June 1, 2012

where you going?

whats the rush? 

everyone is frantic to be with someone. 
to be someones something. 
never satisfied with yourself unless you have someone else to be satisfied with you.
never give yourself a break. rush rush rush. hurry and get a partner. 
what? before they are all gone? do we have a low abundance of people or something? 
are we running out of time? 
i didnt get the memo... 
yet somehow i seem to be just fine with that.
most days.

all my friends have boyfriends. i dont get how they do that. 
maybe i'm just totally ruined, or maybe im too picky, or just a huge bitch
or all three
but almost every guy i meet i'm like "ew nope" 
its a terrible tragedy. 

i want my space. my time. to bond with people who are important to me. to nurture my spirit, my soul, my friendships and my life. as hard as it has been for me for the past year. the last thing i care about is "keeping my eyes peeled" for some one who is supposed to make me happy or whatever. hasnt worked at all in my past. my last two boyfriends were the most horrible things that ever happened to me. its a bit hard for me to be optimistic when thinking about myself in another abusive situation. which, for some reason i feel is just what im destined to deal with. which is completely disgusting. but hey, i guess i did their future girlfriends a favor. lets hope if they have girlfriends they dont beat them down verbally, cheat on them, use them and abuse them. bastards. warning to girls: REVIEW THE FELLAS PAST RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE PROCEEDING. you might change your mind and save yourself some serious life. 

the only reason im venting about this is because its like... summer love season... its like everyones got that longing in their eyes. i just dont even give a shit. maybe im just being bitter because no one likes me. ever at all. im too damaged or something. at least i'm happy.


"good people and bad people cannot exist in any unison. therefore they must split. in doing so the lines are drawn and the truth is revealed about which of those people you are"
i'm glad i am the good person and my ex is with out a doubt the bad. 

i had to vent and get that off my chest. couldnt keep it to myself. i would have exploded. 
i just want to make it clear - i dont hate, dislike or resent anyone in a relationship. it really doesnt bother me at all. i just have this cool thing about me where i just dont care about stuff. really tho.

i need to leave this place... 

too bad i didnt throw a killer look in the right direction. 

after being in a relationship, we need time for ourselves. time of rest. extended time to heal. time for our souls to catch up to us after the whirlwind of heartbreak, anger, sadness and separation. our souls got disconnected. mine still hasnt made its way back, im trying to coax it back to me. id be afraid to come back after that storm. some people, however, i believe dont even have souls. and they will never be happy, feel love or be good. ever.

lying there she made a promise that one day she'd run and find just the man she was looking for 

well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man she took him for. 

well he came to town, he came rambling in on a great cloud of dust carried by the wind, oh it wasn't long before he pulled her in and he asked her to come run away with him
he saw a pretty young girl who was ready to run, and she saw the chance she was looking for. 

they headed out west , driving into the sun, and he promised her she was the only one
well, he was a thief and he'd steal just for fun, he'd g cruising around with his little gun ... 


Anonymous said...

Don't worry there are others out there in the same situation as you, others that never feel the need for some one and feel like you're damaged goods. But in everyones heart they know they need someone even if they never find them. Don't "keep your eyes peeled" just close them and dream. Good things happen to those Who deeply think they can have it. It was a good read and good insight on someone elses mind, that have similar thoughts.

Jenna said...

That picture of you is seriously so beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Man....Mitch is a peice of work. He has cheated on ALL his girlfriends as well as his baby momma. He fancies one girl in particular. He WILL cheat on his new girlfriend too. What a shame. You don't deserve to be abused. Consider yourself blessed.

cassandra noëlla said...

whooooo areeeee yoou!! i need to know. thank you

Anonymous said...