my favorite shape

i kind of fell out of the blog writing groove

i used to be kinda okay at it

and now whenever i get on here im like, 

well shit. what am i supposed to say? 

i guess i'll just ramble on about random junk and hope that captures your attention.

ive been painting my nails dark lately. black is my new favorite. 

i've also started a new book written by Queen Noor... she is such a badass. i need to read about Rania next. 

i am so captivated by real life princesses & queens. 

i seriously day dream about being a queen. 

i mean. i AM a queen.

im the queen of everything. 

my name "cassandra" loosely translates into "queen of everything" in arabic. 

which is perfect since i am also obsessed with arabic culture.

okay but really. thats just urban dictionary. 

they told me that.

but who am i to disagree? 

it sounds legit to me ... 

i think i'll buy a tiara. 

i love a good pen. 

i just recently stole a pen that writes pink. 

i never need to write anything tho. maybe if i would attend college again i would have a reason to write

but college sounds so.... 

FUCK. 

you know? 

i dont know if i can handle that kind of stress again. 

it did give me an ulcer once upon a time. that was painful and really sucked. 

plus i dont know what i want to do anymore. i thought i knew . a long time ago. 

i have my bachelors in alternative systems of medicine. but i dont use it . nor do i care to 

i want to work with kids. and be the boss. 

and i also want to be fabulous.

i have such good priorities. 

i blame it on social media. 

i wish i had better discipline. 

ive seriously said that a million times

i dont know how im supposed to control my bullshit 

when i override myself all the time. 

cassie dont eat that

screw it, dont eat it next time

have all you want right now

then i hate myself afterward

im such an asshole. 

i mean common

youre 24 this year and you eat like youre a 7 year old. 

you cant eat cookies and bullshit and act like it doesnt affect you 

youre getting ugly. people are starting to notice 

if you actually put a box of chocolate chip cookies in front of me 

I WILL DESTROY THEM. 

i am freaking out right now just talking about them. 

carrots. 

damn it. 

well i guess i should go now

i need to go find a snack.

something that wont add to the mass i have clinging desperately to my bones. 

shiiiiiiit. im such a girl right now. 

dont tell me to eat celery. 

i hate the stuff. 

oh yeah, anyone can comment my blog

you dont need an account to do it

so tell me a chocolate chip cookie i can eat with out feeling guilty.

please. 

im just sayin .

______________________

all i want

is a guy with a beard who likes to travel 

and who loves me like nothing else

and a motorcycle 

and some cookies

to see roux one more time 

an anklet 

& to travel around the entire united states 

one day. 

i gotta start learning how to be positive

can someone teach me/? 

probably can't be taught. 

im just not happy lately. 

its hard. 

nothing is going right for me

so its hard to be "positive" or whatever... 

when its a giant mix of things that just suck. 

i need help. 

as in 

a pina colada 

a salmon meal

& a new pair of jeffery campbell heels 

and a hottub

heres to a change of attitude and 

hopefully better luck  - 

oh hey there...

i went to mexico for two weeks

that was awesome. it was crazy beautiful and surreal. 

i was there? what? 

i still cant believe it. 

these are my two best pals from the trip , my car mates , my bunk buddies & the two funniest people ive met in a long long time ... wes & jen. i miss them terribly. oh how i hate distance... well... no... i dont hate distance... i hate not being able to jump across it whenever i want. 

i miss everyone from my trip. they were all my family. love them. 

i swam with sea lions

had dolphins swimming under and around my boat 

saw whale sharks under my boat. a swordfish. flying manta rays. 

dove for clams and ate them. ate raw scallops from the bottom of the sea of cortez

had gangs of bullseye pufferfish following me at all times whenever i went in 

bird watched the most incredible species

slept on cots on the beach underneath hundreds of stars every night

got a mean tan 

and didnt break any of my nails 

so all in all... amazing trip. wanna see photos? OKAY SURE! 

thats just some. i am still waiting for the other photos to surface from other peoples cameras. 

my soul grew larger from being in mexico. 

its a great place. 

so yeah

. i'll leave you with that.