Saturday, December 26, 2009

i'm writing a book

my friend stephanie told me i should write a book. about "circumstances in life". such as dating, nature, utah, how not to let a man step all over you, long distance relationships, etc..

i've had a lot of people tell me i should write a book. it's funny isn't it/? i guess its my way of writing, or my use of the language, or the things i have to say about situations. i just don't know what it is exactly.
i am going to start blogging about what other people would like to hear from me. about anything. ANYTHING. what do you want answered? what do you want advice on? what do you want to know about? what can i say about a subject so you can use my words in your essay that's due tomorrow? what can i tell you to say to someone who has just said something to you? what can i describe to you?

i don't care if i don't know you. if you've never said anything to me before... whatever. just post a comment with what you want to ask me or tell me or blah blah blah. you don't need to have a blogger account to comment on my blog. i've taken the risk of having commenting open to anyone on the web. so have at it.. take advantage of it.

here is what part of my book is so far:

stephanie told me her exboyfriend text her "what are you doing" and i told her that she should respond with "i'm doing something with my life, what are you doing?"

its a pretty good inclusion to my book yes? who cares about ex-boyfriends. they are EX-boyfriends. meaning, no longer. thus implying that you actually don't have to care about them anymore.. yes it's true. you can just continue life with out the miserable failing loser, and succeed while he is still in the same place he was before. forget the past, forget the history, forget it all. because its done and trust me its a GOOD THING that it is done. because who wants some dumpy mean rude uncaring boyfriend? remember that saying "there are plenty fish in the sea" or however that goes? its way true. just tell your brain to shut up and then live some free life...

until you find your upgrade.


meg said...

haha agreed on the ex thing. MOVE ON. out of sight, out of mind! And I think we all know what they want when they send a "what are you doing" text...oy

stephanie said...


stephanie said...

how about why guys are such assholes and dont give a shit about you?

Jeff Yeats said...

We have laws to help us maintain order and, in a sense, live our lives to a fuller extent. Law seems to accompany morality. We are taught not to steal, not to lie, not to hurt others, etc… With law comes punishment. Parents, teachers, and governments strictly enforce those consequences. Yet, on earth and in heaven, there appears to exist no justice for breaking the heart of another human being. Love has the power to cause wars. What justice is there for the pain of a truly broken heart? I’m not looking for a concrete answer. But, as a fellow thinker, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

garrett said...

Cassandra, Meg, and Stephanie,

i agree with the advice (and comments) but only in so far as it applies to girls who gravitate toward dating assholes. i mean, sure, if you find yourself dating those types of people then get the hell away from them as soon as your head clears. i say this without judgment, fully aware that the fog of infatuation is thick, and we can all be fooled. I'd be lying if I said I'd never been charmed by a pretty face myself.

but let's hope we grow out of it, too. let's hope the history of our love life is rich with good people who are good for us despite being ultimately incompatible in the long run. "never looking back" is no way to live forever. i'd rather live in the 360 degrees of life, cherishing my relationships behind me as well as hoping for that special someone in the future. but this only works when i am dating people who are worth cherishing forever, even if we don't turn out to be completely compatible romantically.

(for a clearer explanation of what i'm talking about see the story i posted in my comment to Jeff)

garrett said...


i liked your thoughtful question. i think for most of us, justice (on both sides) is inherent to heartbreak. in my experience breaking someone's heart is just as painful as having your own heart broken.

i think the following story (written in the first person) illustrates exactly what i'm trying to say: (forgive me for the length)


The first girlfriend I ever had was hopelessly out of my league. She is without reservation one of the most beautiful, loving, and inspiring souls I have ever known. To this day I have yet to meet anyone more universally loved and admired by those who know her as Clair Avery. I can remember with perfect clarity kneeling by my bedside in the 9th grade and pleading with God for her to like me (to notice me would be a good start). I was utterly infatuated; I would’ve sold my soul for one of cupid’s arrows. My unspoken belief was this: to be with Clair would be to have eternal bliss.

In time, my single greatest desire in my entire 15-year-old universe inexplicably came to pass. And even though everyone in school was trying to convince me it was so, I couldn’t believe it. It was too impossibly good. Hope of that magnitude is such a dangerous thing. So Clair finally told me herself, and we became the two happiest kids in the world. I am serious. We were a painting. A sonnet. A story in a place with a plot too beautiful and too pure to be real, in a time I will never, ever forget. The bliss during those months together far surpassed anything I had earlier imagined while kneeling by my bedside, begging God for her to like me.

Without hashing out the details, my feelings for Clair changed many months later, until I finally reached the agonizing conclusion that we’d be better off as best friends. I knew that telling her was going to be terribly difficult, and I was trembling on the slow drive to her house, but I didn’t know that night would be the most excruciating I had yet experienced. The weight broke me at her doorstep before I even saw her. Her dad answered and I choked out a few words through snot and tears before he sent me up to her bedroom. The next few hours were the hardest of my teenage life. The weeks that followed were only slightly less miserable. The months only slightly better than the weeks. I had rendered useless the smile of the happiest girl I’d ever met. And when her light dimmed, the entire population around her dimmed with it. I was the catalyst by which she experienced an intensity of pain and heartache she never knew possible. And because of that I experienced an intensity of pain and heartache I hadn't known possible either.

the platonic love I felt for her was always there and always grew. By our senior year of high school, we finally were best friends without caveat or qualification, and we are best friends to this day. Our friendship is priceless to both of us and we are both glad that we didn't let that slip away just because our romantic relationship didn't work out.

I can’t say whom the experience was harder for, but I believe the trauma it inflicted on me left some rather permanent scars. Though I was only 15, I had this perfect faith that if Clair were to ever, by some blessed miracle, fall in love with me, I would undoubtedly remain in love with her forever. And that faith was destroyed in the most harrowing way possible. How could I have been wrong? How did my feelings change? How could I ever trust my own heart again? I broke her heart, but certainly damaged my own in the process, all in the name of trying to be true to my own shifting feelings and doing my best to be honest about it.

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