Monday, May 14, 2012


i have such a hard time writing lately.
i have no motivation to do anything.
besides sit in my bed and watch bad netflix . at least its distracting me until i get better. at least this is what i am telling myself.

i spend too much money. i always think of things i need for myself. 
"need" i convince myself of a lot of things... 

i'm supposed to be writing down three things that i am looking forward to in a day, and then three things i am grateful for at the end of the day. my therapist told me to... and i see her every wednesday, and so far i havent dont it once. i feel stupid. i forget everything all the time. i dont even know how to take that seriously. i dont look at the day ahead of me.. i just go minute by minute. so its hard to look forward to things. i dont know.

i just want to move to hawaii. but then again i really want to travel to europe and meet some spanish lad that will sweep me off my feet. or even better, one of those dashing middle eastern guys. i guess i have a thing for tall dark and handsome. how typical right. but the accents is what gets me. i heard a brasilian guy talking today and i couldnt believe how cool his accent was. i could listen to him read a phone book. 

im rambling
i do that so often.

i dont know what else to talk about besides myself and that is BORING. i'll get to a place where i can talk about other stuff. i just need some kind of push and motivation to even write these days. i think by now everyone already knows whats been going on with me and what happened to me. so i think you all can understand why i need motivation and why i want people to read my crap. it just makes me feel connected and relatable. 
am i relatable? 
i'd like to think i am. 


Anonymous said...

I don't know you yet, but i see that you are beautiful. Your writings are real and though not filled with optimism, I can tell that you really are.Your writings here are wonderful and do not bore me at all. Beauty is abound in you. This optimistic man appreciates you. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

Kelsey Fortey said...

you are beautiful. i don't quite know what's wrong but i love you very much. you are far away, but maybe we shall meet soon :) too bad moneys a bitch. :/ keep smiling my dear. & btw, you are NOT BORING. just so you are aware.

p.s. this is random, but i'm totally jealous of your cat . is that weird? (answer: totally since you don't even mention her here haha) oh well :).

Ginger said...

What happened to you? Did you get a camera again?