ops. i forgot i had a blog

Yeah... i forgot to keep updated.

So, whats new...
Well, my new job is amazing. I absolutely adore my bosses and all my coworkers. They are all so amazing in different ways. I admire them all so much already. I look forward to going to work everyday! Who knew such a thing existed? I love working with glasses and eyes. It really makes me happy to learn everyday, as well as apply my existing knowledge. I'm really happy with my job at Image Eyes Optical. It's AWESOME.

Also, I moved in with Brian. Its so natural and great. I like him so much. He's so much fun. Plus so crazy handsome it's not fair. I'm the luckiest. We are still learning about each other, but we both are so flexible and understanding that everything is working out so great. I'm so thankful I found him. I had no intention of this sort of thing happening when I moved to Utah... but look at me now... Such a trip. But I always tell my friends, when they ask me for advice, not to hesitate. If you hesitate, it won't last. Just go for it. You live this life as the person you are, ONE TIME. So why waste it with what ifs and could haves... I won't be that way anymore. I'm gonna do what I want, and be who I want. Its been amazing so far. I needed to be out of my comfort zone in order for me to realize so much...
So my advice to anyone who feels stuck and stagnant: CHANGE IT ALL UP. Don't be afraid. I mean damn, one life, just enjoy it. Go for a ride. Have some fuckin FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!


Down side to my advice: (or maybe down side to living in a city with everything in close proximity)
WEIGHT GAIN. EW i hate it. I've totally gained some weight. I gotta get super hot again. I mean I'm not disgusting by any means, but I'm not comfortable with myself, I can totally tell a difference. Whatever, I'll make it work.


I love living in Utah. it's so fun here. So new... I can't wait for my friends to come visit me. I also can't wait to visit home again soon.

anyway, heres me riding a horse through a rider in Wyoming... oh my god. so incredible still.

So, i really love my new job.
I applied at only ONE optical shop in Salt Lake City when i moved here. And i just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. And i got the job a few weeks later! So thankful. I work for some of the most genuine and wonderful people i've met so far, with some of the coolest, sweetest more helpful coworkers ever - who I now get to call friends also!
I really love being apart of the Image Eyes Optical team. I currently work at the Sugarhouse location, 2008 S 1100 E , and its so great.
i've already found a million pairs of glasses that i love.

I just got these Anne et Valentin sunglasses today:

figured i *needed* them for my spur of the moment trip to California! right? yes.

Brijan surprised me with a trip back to California to get my cat Anouk. He is really the sweetest most thoughtful guy ever. He is also so much fun and so handsome. I'm lucky.

I just wish he'd get home already so we could leave now! 

I really like my life in Utah. I just can't wait til i get more settled in and explore a bit more so I can start hanging out with my friends and taking photos at cool places. Soon. very soon.

I'm super addicted to this place called Taco Taco. I'm always obsessed with tacos really, but this particular place is just AMAZING. I can't wait to take my california friends that visit me to all my favorite places. 

Anyway. hi.

a list: 

tacos

need new rings

i can't wait to see my cat

i need new black sandals

cool nights

motorcycles

cereal

trips with my babe

bottled water

youtube videos

Productive Saturday

Today I: Worked out before coming over to the house. Took a nap. Did laundry. Ate watermelon and the rest of the cereal. Watched season 2 of Tyrant. Hated Utah drivers. Decided I need more tshirts that aren't crop top & wished my boyfriend was walking through the door with a cheese pizza.

Thunder raging ----

Had the most wild storm here in Salt Lake City. Pouring rain, lightning all across the sky - barely seconds apart, winds pushing the rain sideways... It was glorious! Driving home was wild; giant puddles seemed to be everywhere & then when I got home, apparently the sky decided to open up completely and I was trapped in my car for a good 15-20 mins because it was so rainy I was worried I'd loose my way to the front door. Finally jumped out, tired of waiting, and ran through puddles that had formed & within the few seconds it took me to get to the door, I was DRENECHED!!! Holy crap. Need more storms like that. Big time. Weather is the best. Still awake though, the energy of the storm must have infiltrated my internal clock. I'm gonna be tired tomorrow... 

But so happy it was wild weather.

Feeling happy. 

Born Free

Spur of the moment, decided to join my friends Greg & Ady on their annual trip to California for Born Free, a giant motorcycle show. I had no idea what to expect, but I figured as long as I was with friends, it would be a welcome journey. We headed out that Thursday around 5, four bikes total, four people total in the van. 3 bikes and 3 drivers on the road behind us. 

Van occupants: Greg - driver, Ady - copilot, Dakota - 2nd copilot, Me - extra baggage. 

Road riders: Brijan, Nickolas Crosby, Jess. 

Pretty damn fun crew, from what I knew so far. 

We all made it finally, to St George and we stayed in Ady's parents house before heading all the way to California the next day. So thankful to them for letting us all crash there to get some rest before the long ride to the destination. We woke up at 5 am and I decided to get on the back of Brijans bike and drive with him to some random gas station before Vegas. It was GLORIOUS. Total dream...

Driving through the red desert in the early morning with the sun rising steady on our backs. The soft smooth colors in the sky, the warm pockets of air slamming our skin with breaks of cool gusts to cool us off briefly. The sage brush, the plateaus, the canyons. It was something out of a movie, a scene of a movie - the people cruising steady through the sands, clays & dirts of the seemingly endless desert. The rising heat of the unforgiving desert, determined to make it there in one day, wind blown and exhausted. Nothing quite like it. I kept imagining what was out in those "fields" of sagebrush. Jack rabbits, I kept thinking. Those are my favorite. And maybe some burrowing owls, settling back into their cool shaded homes for the day. 

My mind was going and going with thought. I was on the back of this fantastic bike, holding onto this guy I just met 4 days prior. Trusting him to get me to the destination alive and in at least one piece; I felt totally comfortable and safe. I was happy. 

However, minutes before the gas station where we were stopping to meet up with the van, I got heat exhaustion. Ops! So I was restricted to the van again, with lots of water. 

We finally made it to camp. We hung out. Rested. Brijan and I went and got pizza. He's the sweetest. Then, the next day: BORN FREE! We headed out, all on our bikes. The people watching was amazing, obviously. All the thousands of bikes, so much fun to look at their details. 

We spent the day wandering around, looking at booths, bikes, people and vans. Each nachos and tacos and drinking waters like crazy. It was so much fun. I loved it. Same thing Sunday - but on Sunday I got really too hot and didn't have as much as the day before. Bummerrrrrr. But still so much fun. I liked everything about the trip. Happy I went, happy about the people I was surrounded by.

finally happy.

can't stop

glad i decided to keep my blog - this move is proving to be quite fantastic.

i had the best evening last night. bike ride around the park. tacos. cocktails. so much laughing. agreeing on things. jokes. and music and night drives. what a dream.
just so happy about it all.

i am so excited to go to born free this weekend! we leave today. i still need to pack. i should get up and get going soon.



wanting some sushi.

feels like

it feels like i've been here for months already.
i've only been here 4 days.
i've seen so many of my favorite people already. and met some really great people. pretty happy about this so far.
got my resume printed out, and tomorrow i embark on an endeavor to find myself a little job!


BUT! cool news. I decided i'm going to Born Free for a few days with my friends. last minute spur of the moment choice. i figure i might as well have fun and do some things a little bit out of my comfort zone before i start getting back into my little habits and routines.
i'm really excited. i'm going to ride on the back of someones bike. i am looking forward to it.

my grin won't go away.
that's pretty great.


can't wait for a bike ride around the park this evening, tacos and beer and great conversation with a fantastic view...

good morning utah

well here i am 

after a very long drive through Nevada with Macy - in a haul pulling a trailer with my car on it, with no music at all, and manual roll down windows - we made it. we talked about a lot of different things, she is so much fun. so thankful she helped me make that drive and was great company for the journey. 

we got to Jons around 2:30 and went to bed at 3. i slept with Jersey, Jons dog. we cuddled on the couch all night. it was cozy and nice. I woke up and went outside with her and laid down on the cool cement in his backyard and enjoyed the early morning temperatures for a bit. went back inside to try to sleep. then i went back outside and decided to sleep on the trampoline, it was a good choice. it was shaded with pieces of sun coming through the branches. after a while though it got too windy to stay there because leaves and pollen pieces were blowing into my hair. 

we woke up and went to get coffee and toast. 

and then it was time to start unpacking the uhaul... the fun part, right? UGH it was so hot. but Jon, Clark, Macy & I got it done. i can not thank them enough. i know how hard and not fun moving crap in the heat is, and i am so grateful and appreciative that they helped me do it. 

now i am sitting in my new little room in salt lake city , i've made it my own by putting some decorations out and hanging up a curtain. it feels nice. i like this room a lot the window faces north so i don't get any direct sun shining in, which i love. it helps keep my room nice and cool all the time. 

all i want to do is go out to eat, and find creeks, rivers or lakes to dip my toes into. but, i have to start looking fora job this week. aw man. but i'm excited to find a fun new job. i just don't know what i'll do yet! 

here we go

where to even begin. 

i guess i just decided to change it up. i've always wanted to try living in utah again. on my own terms, by myself. no plan really, just the desire to enjoy myself. 

so i'll start blogging again. 

a lot of people have said that they want to stay updated on my journey. which is flattering. so i the least i can do is write about some things. 

first things first. i'm going to miss my cat for the first couple of months before i'm able to come back and get her. it's like she knows, she's been avoiding me. but also watches me from a distance. gah she's so cute its ridiculous.

also, my last day of work was today. i shouldn't be shocked that my former-boss completely disregarded me, didn't thank me, didn't say bye, nothing at all what so ever. but it still made me furious for a good two hours. i'm over it now, but dang. what a crappy person. i've been loyal and committed to my job for four years. i've gone above and beyond expectations in order to show my work ethic. nothing i did was done for applause or praise. it's just how i am. but everyone wants to be thanked for their time. but whatever, onward to a person who treats me with respect, right!?

here's my cute cat Anouk eating out of a Pawnosh bowl. i recommend these bowls. they are awesome. they aren't tacky pet bowls like all the ones you find in the store. all glass and life time warranty. Anouk loves it!!! Look how huge she is. haha.

anyway, here we go. blogging again. i'll try to be a bit more exciting than this one... i'm just so tired after today and this weekend. dang what a good last weekend in California. awesome party with amazing people and rafting down the American river with amazing people. couldn't have thought up a better weekend. 

Weary

"We accept the love we think we deserve" ....

K well, I deserve a stoic badass with a sweet side and an understanding nature. 

Mentally, I am worn down. Emotionally, I am nearly dissolved. Physically, I am showing signs of distress. Over all, psychologically, I am nearly defeated.

Currently craving a love and a life filled with a companion. But knowing so deep in the back of my mind that I will never have what others have. I will always be the black sheep. My level of living is far different than everyone else around me. All I wanted was a normal happy life.

Yet I day dream about traveling around the world, wearing mostly white & having my hair curled. Meeting others who appreciate me on my journey through my one and only life. & I appreciating them in return. I dream about being comfortable enough in my own skin that I could lay naked in a hammock & fall asleep with out worry. I dream about having my own family, so I'll never be with out love in some form. I dream about someone to hold my hands when they are cold.

My dreams are so beyond reach that I wonder if I am just settling. Repeating over and over to myself, that: you get one life, you're only young once, don't fuck it all up, don't hesitate, it doesn't matter what you have - it's all how you treat people & how they remember you.

Once your dead and gone, the only thing they will remember you by is your genuine interaction & love given out.

Hard to be the way you wish, when you're always busy being the way you "have to be" for your life to be sorta kinda comfortable for a short amount of time. 

Revalation. 

Don't play games.

Express yourself

Don't hesitate 

I get reckless when it comes to you

I just want a guy to say to me:

"I don't know what kind of life we're going to have, but I just need you to be in it"

workin for a Birkin

saving my pennies
taking risks
loading up my schedule
running at full speed
going where i want
being committed
keeping promises
staying in love
learning self discipline
trying new routines
beginning a new journey
sneezing from allergies

A woman is losing her energy to create. Whether it be solutions to mundane issues of her life with such as work, family, friendships or her goals, her personal development, her art. This is not a mere procrastination, for it continues over weeks and months of time. She seems flattened out, filled with ideas perhaps, but deeply anemic and more and more unable to act upon them. 

- Clarissa Estés

The problem with thinking about your own past is you forget its genesis and start to feel a useless awe toward your earlier self

books

So I can't just read one book, I've always gotta be reading a lot at one time. I'm not sure why, or if that's "normal" but I figured I could make a post about the books I'm reading right now. 

Lemura and Atlantis by Shirley Andrews

Desert Queen by Janet Wallach

Women who run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés Ph.D

Queen Noor Leap of Faith Memoirs of an Unexpected Life

The Diary of Anaïs Nin

How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie 

Israel the first forty years Introdcution by Abba Eban

Some might see a trend. Isn't it funny, the things we grow to like and become interested in? Who knows.