i wish

i wish that

- i could fall asleep on a bed of moss

- people would listen to me

- things were a whole lot easier

- nevada didn't even exist

- i had a special chocolate shop near by

- i had a little bit more money for a little bit more clothes

- i owned my own mac book pro 13 inch

- my hair was longer & that my roots didn't show

- i had my tan back

- roux would stop meowing at me

- my car was a little bit bigger

- i could find a really awesome paying job

- i had an iphone (with out the bill)

- people would buy my earrings from etsy

- the weather was warm & sunny

- i could just disappear

- i could drink this whole bottle of wine with out making a face

- i had my own room

- i was born a unicorn

- god damn it

- that i wasn't falling down the rabbit hole

चंद्रमा / ในแสงจันทร์ /وقال إن القمر

i'm awake. i should be tired, i'm always tired. but for some reason i couldn't fall asleep.

my eyes flickered around when i closed my eyes.
my mind kept thinking of every possible thing that it could.
wouldn't just REST. and slow down.
i couldn't get comfortable. my stomach feels hungry.

the moon is 93% full, descending from a full moon back down to that sliver.. i really don't like this part. it makes my sleep all messed up. only when i take notice of it. which is ridiculous. but true. had i not been keeping track of the moon phase maybe this wouldn't be going on. but it is. and i don't know what to do. i've been reading. but i couldn't stay comfortable and the light was bugging me. tried a different book, i liked it but got tired of it because i wasn't in the mood for it.
so i got on the computer. this loud stupid humming beast.

i waste so much time on here. not as much as other people. but what else can i do. stuck here, no school work yet. work is slow. my creativity is dismal. my funds are exhausted. my friends are all so far away. i've got nothing! its just so ... limiting.

i've been drawing people lately. i've been practicing. i've never been good at drawing people. my drawings so far are just "okay". i'm trying to get better. i'm not brave enough to try to paint a human yet. i've only painted myself and sam. and sam was a failure and i need to just paint over that.. its hard tho. humans are very difficult for me to draw. i see other people draw people like its the easiest thing in the world. so lucky and talented. its hard to transfer my visions and ideas onto the paper or the canvas. so so hard.

lincoln and the countess of moray

moving to sanfrancisco

what more do i say? i am serious.. i want to move there at the end of the year. which is a LONG time away but its just how things will work out. lucky for me one of my best friends meg lives in twinpeaks so i can go stay with her and visit as often as i like. its only 2 hour drive. easy.. and tempting. i love that city.. its so fun and i just adore it. here are just some quick photos from my weekend get-away with tayler &megan. more to come later on ..