im incredibly restless
im ready to go


i dont ever ever ever want to look back into my past
its worthless. i don't care what you say.

im giving away all my things
and selling them . trying to keep up my etsy for some income
my optician job is driving me up the wall
im tired of working full time
i'd rather be with kids

i want to get married. i feel old.
i want to travel
i feel like im growing roots in a place i dont want to be rooted to
how do i acquire so much stuff?
how do i get rid of clothes when i love them all so much?
being almost 24 is hard.
i think im ready to sell my snowboard and boots
i really dont think i'll ever realistically use it.
any takers?


i sound so negative
and unhappy

oh maybe because i am right now
its a beautiful place i live in
surrounded by awesome people and great friends
but
i just cant shake this feeling of needing..// wanting to leave

so i will send you here: MY ETSY
in hopes of any interweb stragglers who have come across my page
and read my cry for help
to purchase things from my site
to go toward the "get me the hell out of here" fund


but
i need to upkeep this blog more
because it is a good way to look back on my life
even tho ... wait wait.
didnt i just say i dont want to look into my past?
god i cant keep up with myself



some one save me
(prince harry, im talkin to you)



completely ready to voyage to new places and try new things and get out and leave.

and totally warped, twisted, unreal and disconnected. 

how did i end up here? 

a list of things

i love making lists.

here are some things i want to do.
and want. blah blah blah. want want want.
need need need.



. to eat better
. be nice
. travel to hawaii, costa rica, europe, anywhere i wanna go
because its gonna happen and i'm gonna find what i'm looking for.
. save money
. try snowboarding , since i have all the right gear.
. run more
. wash my face every night
. send more mail
. leave it in the past and forget about it <--- now
. sell those sorel boots, you wont need them where you're headed.
. wear those coach glasses more
. update your etsy as much as possible ! :: http://www.etsy.com/shop/cinnamonnymph
. encourage all women to be friendly to each other
. be friendly to all women
. eat more quinoa
. READ MORE
. figure out what you want to do with yourself
. study birds
. go to mexico and swim with whales
. stop having horrible car luck (thanks dad, somehow luck can be genetic)
. christmas cookie candle ...
. work out , run stairs, get babe'n
. keep trying on the new bikini ... for motivation of course
. post more photos
. blog more . its fun to look back on what i said

i wish i could tell my cat to turn on the fan

what do i want to do/ ?

EVERYTHING .

i want to tie something cool to a balloon & let it go . let it flyyyy up high into the world sky . and maybe hopefully make someones day , when they find my special thing . maybe attach a $1 dollar bill to it? or a random trinket. something neat. can't decide.

i want to C U T M Y H A I R . up to my chin and get bangs.

because im tired of long hair . & everyone has long hair. its generic. boring. trendy. usual. kind of feel weird being just. like. everyone. else.

maybe soon . november i'll cut it. hold me to it....

some new clothes & shoes. whats a girl gotta do to own a pair of NEW items? why is everything so damn expensive ? whats the world coming to? i think i need to take sewing classes & simply make my own clothes because this shit's gettin RIDICULOUS. but i did just purchase probably the most appropriate tank top of my life. :::

skydiving.

oh hey . im doing that tomorrow. holy crap?

i want to have all my girlfriends get together and have a gathering. a themed gathering. i missed the gypsy gathering and the witchy gathering. i think .... OLD WEST themed. i dig it. i can bring props too. who is down? who would attend ? too bad we cant do it tonight. the full moon.

who saw that meteor shower last night? i sure didn't . i was sleepin.

my car to WOR K. as much as i love the van ... i do not love its gas tank. & i would love to have my subaru back, the junky, reliable, cheap, spacious, ..... my own . i miss being able to do certain things in it. to go certain places. blah. don't hate what you got , cause when its gone you'll wish it back daily.

got new stuff on my etsy ::: CHECK IT OUT !

ETSY - cinnamonnymph

this n That

* belly dancing classes on wednesdays... woo! * kayaking * england v algeria etc etc etc * prints * for my surgery to be over * fruit salad * travels * my hair needs a trim * i wish i had a futon outside to sleep on * i guess i'll just lay a quilt out on the grass * paint my nails the color "Muberry Street" * thomas likes to take photos with me then look at them after & try different things. hes so funny.

the trunk of my car contains: - camping chair - blanket - pullover - cloth backpack - random pillow - straw beach hat - towel all will stay in there for the duration of the summer. but now i need my sleeping bag

can you hear the stars sing?

why is it that people with small minds have such big mouths?

its been such a lovely couple of days. warm enough to wear shorts and a tanktop & sandals... my most favorite attire. (after bathing suits or clad) i love to feel as much air and warmth on as much of my skin as possible. thats why im a summer girl. a beach bum... a river rat... whatever you can come up with. the sun recharges my spirits and lifts my soul. i cant wait until it really starts to heat up around here...
i head to utah in exactly ONE week. holy yes !! i am so excited. i hope i'm ready and i dont forget anything. i hate forgetting stuff.
i could really go for a tube top or a strapless dress right about now.
i want this one : strapless dress



i think i might switch back to using shampoo & conditioner... because my hair seems to be having a hard time. its so thin and long that it just gets tangled SO easy. i sort of look like a bum ... haha. maybe i'll do every other day or something.
http://pinktentacle.com/2009/02/twelve-animals-world-maps-as-chinese-zodiac/

http://www.photosight.ru/photo/alone/3206369/

big Puffffffffff clouds.

went to the river on Friday... it was so nice. hot sun on my skin. cold river in my hair.

hangin with friends , laughin at funny stuff. finding lizards. searching for that one spot thats perfect to sit by the river. adventures....... summer is so close.

i cant wait for it be here. it means summer love. forever love is what i'm hoping for tho. but it also means warm skin. good times with good friends. long days and nights. smoothies &milkshakes and popsicles .
good beats and grooves to move to . i just cant wait.
it means vacations & get aways. i cant wait for my get away in June..... mmmmmmmmmm.

i just miss it.


last night i stopped by Jackies 80's party.... saw some good fun people. wish i could have stayed the whole time but i was damn tired from working all day and my feet were killin me. i got some funny pictures there anyways tho. super classy ...... red plastic cups with red champagne in them. we made a toast to "being classy". i was dancing the whole time to mJ & pat benatar etc. it was good. i had a scrunchie in my hair. it'll be interesting to see these pictures. oh lordy.


today im going to a car show on main street with Audra & Vanessa. i wanted to go to the river again but i probably wont because today is my sisters 17th birthday ---- weird!!! she's 17?? when the heck did this happen. shes the coolest sister ever, no one else has a cooler sister than i do. hands down no battle. you may think you have a cool sister... but thats just because you havent met mine.
she's a lot like me , but looks completely different than me. shes pretty hilarious too.

a LIST.

- a winning scratch card
- scribbles on the calendar
- anticipation of a trip
- a mushroom shaped candle.
- a new room
- a new place to call my own
- a camera bag
- books
- something in the mail
- mermaid memorabilia
- mugs
- some prints 4x6
- feathers , with color.
- some new stamps on my passport
- a different number
- some nail polish that i actually enjoy
- electric outlet covers
- a new lamp shade
- some apples with peanut butter
- my tail bone is out of place forever
- day dream mind
- answers
- something good to come my way
- Luck?
- something to look forward to
- a change in direction
- a reply from India would be NICE.
- wealth
- whatever
- some love , some real love
- frequent flier miles
- a ring
- IDEAS for a creation
- thai food
- loke reunion part 2
- macbook pro
- a serious bike
- some sunglasses that won't break or get lost
- anouk to stop swatting at me
- another kitten
- maybe a lizard or snake
- a bottle of wine
- san fran with meg
- japan with other meg
- an island by myself
- a boat
- a different candle by my bed
- some more pictures with my friends
- a different kinda life.
- an ice cream sandwich
- some new halloween socks
- SHOES!
- a massage
- a zoom lens and a fish eye
- artwork
- summer sun
- soft blankets
- a new tyedye pillow case
- make some new curtains
- god damn it
- a new set of suitcases
- a hypnotist
- going to bed early
- i need to take more pictures
- national geographic dreamin
- a bed frame
- a HAMMOCK!!!
- a journal to write my stray thoughts in instead of using a facebook status
- oh brother
- Nice, France - angels
- some dentyne ice
- a board game
- a new bathing suit . hahaha for real tho
- bank account
- learn to carve wood
- learn to make pottery
- learn some more languages
- get rid of the bug on my wall






.......... wishin on a star.
& puttin some hard work in too.

SOMEONE

Someone who readily takes responsibility for every aspect of their life and knows that if something sucks they are the one that has to change it

Someone who doesn’t let themselves be the victim

Someone not interested in sympathy

Someone who will make time for me if I make time for them

Integrity, honesty, driven, talented, ambitious, confident, attractive, ethical, adventurous, spontaneous, influential, health conscious, independent, creative, articulate, good communicator

Someone who takes time to question things

Someone who is careful with absolutes and the idea of truth

Someone who agrees that there is no better time than now

Someone who is determined to be happy and does not settle for less

Someone who agrees that pharmaceuticals are not the way to happiness

Someone who doesn’t do any illegal drugs

Someone who can handle me being very direct, honest, straight forward – right to the point about nearly everything

I'll tell you why

but i don't know.
its simple and so complicated
i could walk all day on the railroad tracks
but there's much more to it ... than that.




here is my spring addition to my series of "the fence"
i posted the previous photos along side my blog ... (fall & winter)
now i'm just waiting for summer.
oh man i can't wait for summer. so much going on.

i can't wait to be in LA already. do i really have to wait another week? damn man.




my favorite time to drive is early early morning.
there are two beautiful instances i can recall exactly :

driving home from west shore lake tahoe from Martins cabin. driving on that windy road along side the lake before the sun was up over the east mountains listening to Mirah (you think its like this, but its really like this) "suck on my sweet tooth till i'm sore." it was freezing outside. but so clear. my subaru was hugging the road. i was still in my sweatpants . Martin had let me sleep in the master bed room by myself because i drove up for just one night. it was such a nice thing of him to do. I was secretly racing the sun home. i made it home just as the sun was hitting my driveway. i felt fresh that day. up at martins cabin over looking the lake:

my second time was driving home from my one day trip to Yosemite. i drove down to visit Lindsey and we stayed in one of her cabins. we had a fun time that day. swimming in icey water, skipping rocks, driving to see Half Dome, taking really cool photos that night. she came in to sleep in my room because she swore she heard a mouse in her bedroom. it was funny and i miss her. i woke up much much before the sun was awake. as i was heading out of the National park lines the sun was just touching the tops of the trees. i looked back and saw the beauty and the crisp fresh start of a day in that amazing place. long hot drive it was the whole way home. summer time mornings are still hot. i forget that. outside the cabin having fun with light tricks & exposure.

i love driving. i've driven my car so much. it has over 200,000 miles on it now. i've driven all over the place. and i'm still planning on going so much further. Northern lights... portland... seattle would be neat too .

HOLI FESTIVAL !

so i went to utah for 3 days to attend the holi festival on saturday. it was FANTASTIC. you guys. i have to go next year too. it was great. i had a nice time in utah. nicole & i just hung out and were lazy most of the time. i hung out with sam and had really intense talks which was well needed. tough times i tell ya...

here are some photos from my Holi festival experience:

jackie & i - walking to the festival.

jackie blessing me

me blessing jackie

nicole calls this "the celebrity look" hahaha so funny!
i didnt even know she was taking a photo which makes it even funnier.

nicole & i - blessed!

haeree ... this photo is so intense to me. its beautiful!

me , covered head to toe in colors

nicole & i = pre-celebration (oops)

jackie kissing a llama ... i did this too but my hair got in the way of the photo

love this photo of nicole!



we were dancing maniacs around the burning of Holika!! loved it

nicole & i - vivid

love

AMAZING. outstanding. breathtaking.

haha gosh look at me.. i think this photo is so funny!

so much fun

spread the good around

the gang!

this is the best photographo of me that has ever been taken. EVER.

i adore this.. me & nicole with the flower between her feet

hopi

yeah so i'm going out of my mind with the yearning of wanting to be in utah on the 27th of march to attend Hopi - festival of colors. but i probably wont get to go . and i'll probably start my decline into a bad mood for several months because of it. i'm already in a bad mood because all i want to do is travel and i never want to be in california because there is nothing i WANT to be doing here. my life is annoying me. it doesn't help that i recently got a speeding ticket in nevada on my way back home. i'm scared out of my mind to tell me dad about it because i know he'll probably just kick me off the insurance and i'll be left on my ass to pay some ridiculous amount of money to insure my stupid car and my stupid decisions. its not my fault i wanted to get the hell out of nevada and away from IT. the cop should have sentenced me to jail instead, that would have been warmly welcomed by me instead of this death sentence of a ticket. i could be over reacting but i doubt it.

i haven't been blogging much because no one ever comes to read it. i don't want you reading my blog if you aren't even going to say hi or something. i like to know when people are reading what i say. i could go write on paper if i didn't want anyone to say something. but i do. because i like feedback and discussions. i'm bitter right now, sorry.

i think in a bit i'm going to drive over to the little market to pick up a pint of icecream and some twix. i need something to satisfy me. i asked sam to call tonight but he probably won't. i slept for 11 1/2 hours last night. i'll go to sleep soon. after my icecream and twix. and i'll start to read my book again. i haven't read it for about two weeks.

i've been away for a while, here is why

as you all know i've been away in utah for the past week , it was a good but exhausting time. i really miss it and i am torn between utah & california. i think i want to move back. but it doesn't seem logical sometimes. i have to think a lot about it . because i really miss and love all my friends there. we will see when the time comes. i'm not going to post up all the photos at once, but here are some randoms i like a lot. i cant wait for simon to post up the ones from his camera and nicole too. they both got good photos! i miss everyone already. especially my sammer & nicole. sigh.

Kodak 400 BW CN, Contax 645, 80mm f2.0, no photoshop
- taken by ryan muirhead


jozef made us cut onions for dinner ... he made us cry.
my makeup was everywhere haha!


me at Tony Caputos looking at the amazing foods & sweets. (300s, 400w)


carly & macy at jake garns photowork shop - taken with my d300s!



this is my favorite photo of a human being i've ever taken & it was all an accident. this is maddie, one of the models at the workshop. my iso wasn't high enough, this is what came out! i LOVE it. i tried it in b&w too, but the color version is the original i didn't even have to edit it.. YES!


this is jack - my best lokes baby boy . he is so funny & cute to hang out with.


this is train tracks. i spent some time here & watched two big trains roll past slowly. it was amazing. i really like trains a lot


good bye utah. this reminded me of the alps but a lot smaller.


we stopped by a tiny little town to take pictures. this is me


the tiny town had a herd of stray cats that were super cute... i wanted all of them


this is the last photo i took with my camera on the trip.