plans...

i have no clue what to even write about

its all a scramble . 

i did go to tahoe last weekend with 7 girlfriends and we "partied" all weekend for jackies birthday. it was pretty fun. we got a VIP booth at Vex in Harveys , courtesy of jessica. it was great. never been to a club before. dancing is fun. we got lots of photos but i am not gonna post them all here cause just , no. too much work. but this is one of me and jackie that i like a lot 

oh, two more of my photos were featured on TAHOE.com blog. you can check them out here 

pretty pleased. i like having my 'work' featured on things. considering i dont even have my own dslr anymore.. i think im doin alright. i cant wait to have a camera again tho. one day... i'll save up all that cheese and buy myself somethin nice. refurb nikon d3 with my classic 50mm 1.4. why not... i set my sights high ... i may be short but i can always reach ...

im planning on moving to Oahu for sure. i talked to my soul sister of many years (how many has it been? i cant remember) about where and which island to move to... she thinks Oahu would be my vibe. so im just gonna go for it one day. im not worried. i want to move to england after hawaii. dramatic change. but ive always wanted to take advantage of my duel citizenship. and i dont want to move to france til i can speak it better. 

you guys like how long its taken me to decide what i want to do with my life? whatever. i started off with something and then along the way changed my mind and then started a life somewhere else so i got tied up with that... so many paths in life. 

anyway

here are two photos that have nothing to do with anything ive talked about 

me at wrights lake. 

crazy clouds. i couldnt get a good photo to express how strange they were. 

LA...

so i went to LA for 5 days.

for my overview on my trip to mexico. got the lowdown and the need-to-know details. figured out my ride down (headed down in a 2011 subaru outback, style!) and learned that my trip will be made into a documentary by PJ Palmer - which i find appropriate. because cameras dont bother me... most of the time. 

i also did some other things on my trip ... went to the natural history museum with tayler. went and visited my cousin Ali and she did my nails. went to hollywood with brent & holly who are visiting from england. went back to hollywood to go to an awesome show. went to disneyland with two babe'n dudes. and all around... had a good time. 

me at the natural history museum 

the north american animals hall.. 

the only place that wasnt crawling with kids

The Koren Friendship Bell / Fort MacArthur / Seal Sanctuary

in San Pedro. I'd play basketball here any day. 

Hollywood Sign in Bronson Park

& Holly holding a piece of wood.... clever!

Iron Man was protecting me from Brent .. 

I really wish it was Robert Downey Jr in there... sigh... 

Kenneth... the lost boy... 

Kodii ... the funny boy...

showin off our style 

he made me the spoon ring i now wear on my right hand

the one ring to rule them all 

i wanted to be a mermaid...

nymph

mermaid

goddess

audra and i had a little fun with my iphone on saturday.... underwater fun. i am pretty pleased. 

here are some other ones ... its hard to narrow down my favorites. but we plan on taking more creative ones this summer, and even today. i need to find a good website to put all my photography. tumblr.. i guess. i'll work on getting one started and let you guys know when its up. 

we are gonna keep having fun. 

where you going?

whats the rush? 

everyone is frantic to be with someone. 

to be someones something. 

never satisfied with yourself unless you have someone else to be satisfied with you.

never give yourself a break. rush rush rush. hurry and get a partner. 

what? before they are all gone? do we have a low abundance of people or something? 

are we running out of time? 

i didnt get the memo... 

yet somehow i seem to be just fine with that.

most days.

all my friends have boyfriends. i dont get how they do that. 

maybe i'm just totally ruined, or maybe im too picky, or just a huge bitch

or all three

but almost every guy i meet i'm like "ew nope" 

its a terrible tragedy. 

i want my space. my time. to bond with people who are important to me. to nurture my spirit, my soul, my friendships and my life. as hard as it has been for me for the past year. the last thing i care about is "keeping my eyes peeled" for some one who is supposed to make me happy or whatever. hasnt worked at all in my past. my last two boyfriends were the most horrible things that ever happened to me. its a bit hard for me to be optimistic when thinking about myself in another abusive situation. which, for some reason i feel is just what im destined to deal with. which is completely disgusting. but hey, i guess i did their future girlfriends a favor. lets hope if they have girlfriends they dont beat them down verbally, cheat on them, use them and abuse them. bastards. warning to girls: REVIEW THE FELLAS PAST RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE PROCEEDING. you might change your mind and save yourself some serious life. 

the only reason im venting about this is because its like... summer love season... its like everyones got that longing in their eyes. i just dont even give a shit. maybe im just being bitter because no one likes me. ever at all. im too damaged or something. at least i'm happy.

whatever

"good people and bad people cannot exist in any unison. therefore they must split. in doing so the lines are drawn and the truth is revealed about which of those people you are"

i'm glad i am the good person and my ex is with out a doubt the bad. 

i had to vent and get that off my chest. couldnt keep it to myself. i would have exploded. 

i just want to make it clear - i dont hate, dislike or resent anyone in a relationship. it really doesnt bother me at all. i just have this cool thing about me where i just dont care about stuff. really tho.

i need to leave this place... 

too bad i didnt throw a killer look in the right direction. 

after being in a relationship, we need time for ourselves. time of rest. extended time to heal. time for our souls to catch up to us after the whirlwind of heartbreak, anger, sadness and separation. our souls got disconnected. mine still hasnt made its way back, im trying to coax it back to me. id be afraid to come back after that storm. some people, however, i believe dont even have souls. and they will never be happy, feel love or be good. ever.

lying there she made a promise that one day she'd run and find just the man she was looking for 

well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man she took him for. 

well he came to town, he came rambling in on a great cloud of dust carried by the wind, oh it wasn't long before he pulled her in and he asked her to come run away with him

he saw a pretty young girl who was ready to run, and she saw the chance she was looking for. 

they headed out west , driving into the sun, and he promised her she was the only one

well, he was a thief and he'd steal just for fun, he'd g cruising around with his little gun ... 

tahoe!

pretty proud to say that two of my photos are featured on the Tahoe.com blog this week! i made a pretty cool contact with an editor and he really hooked me up! thanks Erik !

you can see the blog post here: TAHOE.COM

i'm doing better this week - this week did go by super fast. 

on monday i finally got to experience my dream of DODGEBALL! my friend Dan helped me make it come to life and so many awesome friends came to participate. it was so fun. im still sore...  we got a lot of photos , but these two are the only "posed" shots... thats the original dodgeball team down there , minus a few players (like me, since i was taking the photo) it was so fun and we all had such a good time that we plan on doing it again ... and after other people saw how awesome it turned out im sure they will be participating in it too. success! 

anyways .. its warming up fast. and i am itching to be free. i dont know how im gonna have a summer where i work full time... i'll probably miss out on a lot of fun happenings around town. bummer. oh well... hopefully they wont mind if i show up fashionably late and in scrubs... i hope this is my last summer in placerville as a resident ... i really hope i'll be in hawaii by this time next year. schooling and adventuring. i think i decided my majors ... i think everyone might already know... child studies... duh. it would only make sense. pretty excited to finally know what avenue i am going to take. now if only i could come up with a job i will love for afterward... ideas and input welcome on this subject... 

adios